Demitri: The Interview
DFP: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with us today, Demitri. Tell us, how is the campaign going so far?
Demitri: Its a pleazure to be here. Da campaign is
going great. I have been to 23 states so far, and I have gotten a warm
reception. Da voters are ready for a change.
DFP: What kind of challenges does a toddler face during a campaign?
Demitri: Well, podiums are not designed for people my height. I need a step stool and some fruit snacks at every stop. Luckily my staff meets my needs.
DFP: Why did you decide to run for President, and why the late start?
Demitri: I had to wait until I could reach da doorknob so I could let myself out of my bedroom. From there, I hit da road. As for why I decided to run for president... well, I feel dat I am the only candidate that will take on the big issues. The tough issues. The kid issues.
DFP: You don't take part in all the name calling and negative campaign ads like the other candidates. Why?
Demitri: I can't remember all their names. Every Presidental election, there are about 200 people total who run for President. I can't even count to 5! Where would I know where to begin? There are candidates from da Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Socialists, Natural Law, the Green Party, the Yellow Party, the Turquiose Party, Party in a Can.... its just too much to sling mud at. So I choose da high road.
DFP: A good plan. But now, lets tackle a difficult issue. People who have looked over your entire website have seen several scenes where you have...shall we say... been a playboy with the ladies. How do you answer accusations that you a womanizer?
Demitri: Well, let me go on the record right now and say that this politician is a womanizer. And I mean, can you blame me? Just look at me! I am cute! Seriously, you get what you see with Demitri. I will not deny the fact that da ladies find me irresistible. And think about da most successful politicians of our time. They are womanizers too. If a womanizer can get elected for two terms as President, or if one can get elected to be da governor of California, then that should tell us something... that the American people like to elect men who can woo the ladies. I think its an important leadership skill.
DFP: There are so many other issues we could discuss right now, but lets close the interview with this: How is your potty training going?
Demitri: I have been reading the book "Everybody
Poops" alot while on da road. I feel that it is preparing me well
to wage war with da potty chair. My fellow Americans, read my lips, I
feel your pain because there are a thousand points of light in my diaper,
and they are da axis of evil. I assure you that I will be potty trained
by the time I reach office, or at least in training pants.
Paid for by the Grand Committee of Grassroots Voters Who
Wanted Demitri to Run for President