Interview with Demitri
The Demitri Platform
Politics are about more than good looks and collecting
lots and lots of money and donations. People also care about issues. Here are some of
the issues that Demitri will tackle
once he is elected as your President.
- Naptime: Demitri believes that a good nap is the important
part of the day. Demitri will work to pass legislation for a mandatory
naptime every workday.
- Homeland Security: Keeping Americans safe is a high priority.
Demitri plans to make sure that there are more baby gates in dangerious
doorways. These gates will keep adults and kids safe by keeping babies
from underfoot, and keeping the terrorists out.
- Night Lights: Americans are afraid of nothing. However, the
dark can be scarey. In order for all Americans to sleep soundly, and
to keep the terrorists at bay, Demitri will work to make sure that there
are nightlights in bedrooms across this great land.
- Education: The educational system has lost touch with what
made us a great country. The current Administration has gutted the arts,
music, European literature, and other creative programs from our schools
in the name of getting back to basics.
We don't think they have gone far enough. Seriously, when was the last
time YOU used long division? Demitri will concentrate on getting us
back to the real basics. Under the Demitri plan, kids will graduate
from school knowing just the basics: How to read Dr. Suess books, how
to count all the way from one to ten with no mistakes, how to print
their names, and we will reintroduce the arts back into the schools
so that our children will be able to color inside the lines at least
80% of the time.
Trust us, these goals would be a vast improvement over our current school
- Canada: In a recent survey, 97% of Americans and 85% of the
international community see Canada as part of the United States. Demitri
feels that, while it is really cute that Canada pretends to be their
own country, it is time for a reality check. Demitri will take the bold
step that previous Presidents have feared to take. Demitri will lead
the glorious United States Armed Forces in an glorious invasion of Canada.
Yes, there will be danger. Canada does have an army, and we expect all
twelve members of that army to put up a strong fight. However, we feel
that we will be victorious in this battle. This is manifest destiny
at its greatest, and when we raise the American flag over Ottawa, it
will be our finest hour.
And since we are talking about invading Canada, this war should only
take about an hour.
- PlayPlaces: Demitri feels that there is a severe lack of play
areas at American fast food restaurants. Demitri will work with the
fast food industry to expand the current Playplace program.
- Free Expression: Demitri understands just how precious speech
is. He is just learning to talk. Demitri will fight for the rights of
citizens to express their opinions, either through speaking or through
As you can see, Demitri tackles the tough issues. No
is brave enough to address these problems. However, Demitri is
always ready to take on the toughest tasks to improve this nation.
The choice is clear: Vote Demitri for President.
Paid for by the Grand Committee of Grassroots Voters Who
Wanted Demitri to Run for President
Take the Campaign with you wherever you go!